The A.D.U. experiment now solves all that growing up (and failing) stuff

Welcome to the new-old version of The A.D.U. experiment, A.D.U. v. the unborn baby. And after all of those excruciating stories of not wanting to grow old, aging and decline and all that jazz, this experiment has brought about a far more positive answer.

If you’re under 65, you’re not going to lose it. We keep you going with the love of our lives. And even if you stay single and you live on your own … that’s what you’re there for. (Did I just hear an Amen?). And as long as you keep feeling good, and staying physically strong … then you’re there for him and she for you. And they can be there for each other.

After about a week, we’re off the hook. You’re not a failure. You’re not going to screw it up. Go kill yourself! You’re going to stay young and healthy and you’re going to live in love with someone while you can.

Now we have a change. When was the last time you went to a spa and just rocked out? It doesn’t need to take as long as it normally would. Change is the only constant, so that’s what we’re about.

So let’s put down the phones and the gadgets and the tablets and just sit and hold hands. Let’s just be in each other’s company and be beautiful and loving and peaceful with each other.

Come on, you must be out there. Let’s find each other, dear one. Come on. I promise you, you will find each other. I promise.

Let’s talk about it later.

See you there!

Ixnay on the vows.

Annie O’Connor is a former Wall Street Journal writer who now writes about fertility, women’s reproductive lives and the new generation of parents. You can follow her on Twitter @AnnieOB.

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